Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 72822 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72822 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Why, you ask?
Because Cobie was on her back on the most uncomfortable looking bench I’d ever seen in my life, crying silent tears.
“Cobie.” I dropped down to my knee beside her. “Fuck, are you okay?”
She managed a pitiful moan that would’ve brought me to my knees if I hadn’t already been there.
“It hurts so bad,” she whispered. “I hate the pain. It sucks.”
Her ragged breathing had me feeling like the most unfeeling person in the world.
“Did they give you some pain meds?”
She licked her lips. “They’re in my pocket.”
Her pocket?
I reached forward, patting her pockets.
She was wearing scrubs, likely ones she’d received from the hospital, and the pill bottle was tucked into the first pocket I came to.
I took the bottle in hand, walked away from her even though it was hard as hell to do, and to the kitchen where I got her a glass of water.
Once I had that, I shook out one pill, put the rest on the counter for later, and went back to her.
She was still there, silently crying.
“Can you sit up?”
She shook her head, and the movement shook the ponytail loose of the half-assed up-do that she had it in. It fell down around her face, making my stomach clench.
I ignored the urge to touch it, to wind it up in my fist, and worked my arm underneath her.
Once she was sitting up, fresh tears streaming down her face, I placed the pill against her mouth.
She opened it, tried to swallow it dry, and then moaned when it got stuck at the back of her throat.
I placed the cup to her mouth and tilted it for her to drink, and she drank it greedily.
She was about halfway done when she lifted her chin, pushing the cup away without words.
“Do you want to sit here for a little bit? Want me to carry you to the couch? I’ll do whatever you want.”
She inhaled deeply.
“I think if you move me, it’ll hurt too much.”
She panted some more, and I felt so fuckin’ helpless. I wanted to punch the damn wall behind her head.
I hated seeing people in pain.
I hated feeling helpless like this, like I was an inadequate loser who could do nothing right.
“I think that you’re already in pain,” I said softly. “Let me move you to the couch. This has to be uncomfortable.”
She looked at me, tears still leaking out of her eyes, and then nodded once.
I didn’t hesitate.
I picked her up, gently, and moved her to the couch.
A woman hadn’t been in my arms like this since my wife died, and I had to say that the feeling wasn’t altogether unwelcome.
Sure, I’d slept with one other woman—Marianne. But that had been nothing but me being drunk, and touching her as minimally as possible to get the job—a release—done. I knew before it was even over that it was a mistake, yet I’d continued with what I’d started because Marianne seemed to be enjoying it. She had no way of knowing that it hadn’t been the same for me.
That I’d been blaming and berating myself nearly the entire time.
Even in my drunken state, I’d worn a condom, and that had been something I hadn’t had to do for a very long, long time. Lily had been my college sweetheart, and I’d had one other person in my life before her. That had been the one and only time I’d used a condom in as long as I could remember. I was surprised I even remembered how to put one on seeing as it’d been so long and how incredibly drunk I was.
A squeak came from Cobie, and I froze in my attempt to put her down.
“Can you just… wait.”
She was suspended in the air, half down, half up—her breathing ragged as she pinched her eyes closed. The tears still leaked out, though. Each one breaking my heart more and more.
I picked her back up, and she dropped her head to my chest.
“Can you do this for just another minute?”
Hold her in my arms?
I could probably do it all day long if she asked me to.
“What about if I sit?” I asked.
Then I’d be able to hold her a lot longer.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Try it, and I’ll let you know.”
I slowly sat down on the couch, holding her in my arms, cradled like a small child to my chest.
My eyes went over to where Mary was still sleeping, having kicked the blanket off even more, and something in my heart settled.
There, on the couch, with Mary sleeping next to my thigh, her tiny feet touching my hip and Cobie in my arms, her tears slowing… I found peace for the first time in years.
***
Cobie
Awareness of something other than pain came to me in slow, aching increments.
The first thing I saw was Dante’s throat, which was dripping sweat.