Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 84952 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84952 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Larissa’s laughter plays through my mind, and I can’t help the smile that graces my lips. I can still smell her on my shirt. I remember the softness of her skin and the twinkle in her eye when she taught me that stupid dance at Jack’s party.
I’d jump in front of a bullet for her, no questions asked. I couldn’t imagine living with myself if I didn’t. And even though she probably hates me right now and will never speak to me again, if she called and needed me tonight? I’d go.
But it’s more than that. It’s a softness in the core of my body when it comes to her. It’s the way time flies when we’re together. It’s that things are more optimistic when she’s around. Life is more fun with jokes on another level when they come from her. She also saw me—the real me. The me behind all the crap I shove out there to keep people from looking.
I smile sadly.
She didn’t take no for an answer, crazy woman.
She could see my pain and wanted to be my balm.
How did she do that? Why?
I don’t want kids, but if I did, I’d want them with her. I’d trust her to take care of them and love them. But I won’t be a burden to her. I refuse.
Even if it kills me in the meantime.
I glance at the clock next to the bed and check the time. It’s ten minutes past four in the morning.
“I can’t sit here anymore,” I say, getting up and turning on the light. It’s bright, making me squint. I can barely see to type out my text.
Me: Anyone up?
I wait for a full ten minutes to no avail. So I brush my teeth and then grab my wallet and room key.
I switch off the light and head to the beach and away from everything that reminds me of Larissa.
Fuck this.
Twenty-Five
Larissa
“I blame you,” I say, looking at Bellamy.
She’s stretched out on my sofa with a Nerds Rope in her hand. She twirls it around while she watches me accuse her of ruining my life.
“You should’ve had my back. You should’ve told me not to get involved with Hollis,” I tell her. “You let me down, Bells. Bad best friend.”
She snorts. “Yeah. That’s a different tune than the night he had you on the rooftop, and you were … I was basically the greatest best friend in the universe that night.”
“What? How? Please. Explain your logic.”
“Because you would’ve written off all men if it weren’t for me.” She chomps off the end of her candy. “I made you see the light.”
“You pushed me into the light.”
“And into how many orgasms? Please. I’ll wait for you to thank me later.”
I take a pillow off the chair beside me and throw it at her. It has a little more pizazz than I intended, but maybe getting walloped will do her some good.
She giggles and presses the pillow to her chest as she continues to eat her candy.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she says. “But you actually look like a raccoon today.”
“Bells, you’re pushing it.”
She just shrugs.
I settle back in my chair and tug my blanket around me.
My entire body feels achy yet numb. It’s the weirdest sensation. It’s like I’m numb to anything but the complete sadness that starts in my chest and radiates outward until every piece of me succumbs to the pain.
I miss him. Dammit, I miss him. I miss being able to hear his voice if I call and seeing a text here and there. To think I’ll never hear from him again feels like I’ve fallen into a hole that I can never escape.
It would have to be an escape because Hollis completely captured me.
And I let him.
“Cut yourself some slack,” Bellamy says. “You took a chance, and it didn’t work out.”
“But why couldn’t it? Why couldn’t our relationship have been real and worked out?”
“How would I know? Men have the dumbest excuses for things.”
“I wasn’t asking you. It was rhetorical.”
She makes a face. “Fine. But do you think it even matters? Will it change anything?”
“I have nothing to share with you. And eventually, you’d realize that.”
His words echo in my brain. I know he believes that to be true. It’s sad that a man like him would believe the least about himself because of how people have treated him in the past. But that’s his truth.
But it’s not the truth. And even if it was and I wanted him anyway, isn’t that my choice to make?
“Get your phone,” Bellamy says, snapping me back to reality.
I look down and see it glowing on the coffee table.
My heart skips in my chest as I lunge for the device, hoping against hope that it’s Hollis.
I don’t even care what he wants or if he just wants to come by and get his T-shirt that I put on as soon as I got home. He can even call to tell me I’m mean. I don’t care. I just want to hear his voice.