Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 58346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Doc hands her a tissue from the box next to him, and she wipes her nose as he prompts, “And that makes you feel…?”
“Inadequate.”
Her quick response makes me jerk back, feeling like I’ve been slapped.
“Baby, no—”
“Roman, let her speak,” Doc orders, but he has a way of making demands without the usual underlying sting of scolding.
Savannah’s eyes widen momentarily, unused to someone giving me commands. But then she seems to perk up, a bit of color returning to her cheeks that had gone pale.
Liking another male dominating me?
No, most likely not. I know my wife. And even more clearly than that, I know my sub. She doesn’t derive pleasure from the idea of anyone—not even another man—touching me in any way. From her reaction, though, it’s plain to see she gained some kind of strength from having someone else in her corner. Someone who is not me. Maybe even because they defended her against me.
I nod once, hoping it comes across as the bow toward her that I mean for it to be. I’d kneel at her fucking feet if it meant she’d forgive me and believe what I’ve told her about those messages is true.
“Savannah, please continue,” Dr. Walker urges.
Her eyes never leave mine, but she speaks as if saying the words to him. “It makes me feel inadequate not only as his wife but as his submissive. He’s supposed to come to me with any desire he has, no matter how… twisted he believes it is. That’s part of who we are as a couple, the trust we established a long time ago. The thing I loved most about us. And now that trust has been broken, because he didn’t come to me with it. And not only that, but he went to another woman with it instead. There aren’t supposed to be any secrets between us. I was so… so devout in my belief in him. Before that… awful night—” Her voice cracks, but she keeps going. “—you couldn’t have paid me to believe we’d be going through this in our lifetime. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, if someone had come to me and told me my husband did all this behind my back, I wouldn’t have given it even a moment’s thought. No way.” She shakes her head. “Not my Roman.”
The last part of her response to him makes me feel unworthy of even being the shit on the bottom of her shoe: “Why wasn’t I good enough for him to come to with this fantasy? Why did he feel more open, more comfortable with another… a woman who was not me?”
Her face crumbles right along with my heart.
I did this.
I’m the one who’s done this to the most loving, nurturing, the most devoted person I’ve ever had the honor of breathing the same air as. I’ve not only broken my wife’s heart and trust, but I’ve broken her confidence in herself as well, and that’s more unforgiveable than anything else my lapse in judgement caused.
I do fall to my knees then. Before I know what’s happening, I’ve slid off the leather couch to face her, my knees on either side of her feet on the floor, and my head sinks to her lap. And I do something I haven’t done since the day all those years ago, when I saw her walking down the aisle toward me to become my wife, and before that, not since I was a child.
I cry.
I cry in silent sobs, but the tears are no less painful. Uncaring another man, a man I admire greatly, is witnessing me, Roman Broussard—a CEO, an award-winning entrepreneur, and a goddamn respected Dom in our community—break down at my wife’s feet.
This entire time, all these months, I’ve been wanting her to understand my point of view, my reasoning and justifications. I’ve solely focused on trying to get her to hear me out, to see I truly didn’t cheat on her, at least in my mind. I’ve craved for her to see things my way, to get that I was doing what I could to keep that dark part of me away from her, to protect her from it.
But it’s not until this very moment that I understand she’s hurting not because of some affair I might’ve had with another woman. It’s the fact that I didn’t share that part of me with her instead. She’s given me every single piece of her, no holds barred. And I withheld from her the same honor. An honor that should’ve been reserved solely for my wife.
Before, I’d ask myself, If I found out Savannah was doing what I was, would I consider it an affair? And the answer was always a resounding no because of my reasoning. But now, I ask myself, How would I feel if Savannah shared something with another person that she hid from me? And it’s like a sucker punch to the gut and a kick in the balls all at once.