Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 72945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
In the end, none of that matters.
Because Cowan isn’t the reason I’m not speaking to Baptist.
Baptist is the reason.
“No, thanks,” I say and feel a piece of me release something I’ve been holding on to for a while.
Need for my father’s approval. Need for Baptist to come back into my life. A dozen other things, all of them holding me back over the years, slowly fading.
I turn and start back toward my apartment. Dad doesn’t follow, but he does call after me.
“Another mistake. Typical Blair!”
I don’t look back, because screw him.
He doesn’t understand how fucking hard this is right now. I’m crying as I hurry away, and more than a few people glance in my direction as I lower my head and power through, trying to lose myself in the after-work crowds.
Knowing that I can find Baptist, knowing that I can locate him right now and talk to him, that’s the worst feeling I can imagine. It’s almost better that Baptist disappeared. It’s a mercy that nobody knew where he was, because I could almost pretend like he was dead and gone, and not just that he abandoned me.
But somehow, my father tracked him down, and now I have the choice.
I can find Baptist if I want.
And god, do I want.
There’s nothing I want more in this world than his touch, his kiss, his comforting arms, his low purring voice. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I want him to make me feel alive as he fucks me, and I want him to make me feel warm as he pulls me tight against his chest.
I want him so badly it kills me.
But he left.
He walked away.
He chose this.
And I’m not going to let myself stoop to tracking him down.
If he wants to be gone, he’ll be gone.
Even if it breaks me.
I rush back to the apartment. I’m sweating by the time I get in there. Max is in his room, watching a movie on his laptop, and I take a quick shower just to have something to focus on. When I’m done with that, I do my hair, get dressed, and start on dinner, feeling refreshed and brand new. I don’t have to think about Baptist, I don’t have to worry about him.
I can be my own person.
“Hey,” Max says, coming into the kitchen. He hops up on a counter and watches as I cook carrots and onions and peppers. “Did you talk to Dad?”
My eyebrows shoot up and I nearly knock the damn pan over. “You knew he was going to ambush me?”
“Uh, he said he would call first.” Max groans and shakes his head. “Did he seriously not call first? He just showed up?”
“He appeared at my job, in the lobby, and said I look terrible.”
Max sighs deeply. “There is something seriously wrong with our father.”
“How do you know about all this?”
“I’m the one that told him to talk to you.” Max hesitates, looking uncomfortable as he stares at the floor. “Did he, uh, mention Baptist at least?”
“Yes,” I say slowly, leaning back against the refrigerator. “Max. What do you know?”
“He told you he knows where Baptist is, right?”
“Max.”
“Well, he knows because I kind of told him by accident, and then we were talking about you, and I convinced him that the baby isn’t that big of a deal because it’s really not, and he should talk to you about it, and maybe tell you where Baptist is—”
“Max.” I’m so furious I’m shaking. “What the hell is going on?”
He looks at me sheepishly. “This isn’t how I planned on this going. I kind of hoped Dad would smooth it all over for me, but obviously that was dumb.”
“Dad doesn’t smooth. Dad makes things very unsmooth.”
Max laughs awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Blair. But I’ve been texting with him.”
“With who, Dad?”
“No. Baptist.”
I nearly scream. This is like being stabbed in the face repeatedly, except that might be preferable.
“How? Why? Max! You can’t text with the guy that ran out on me. You just—you just can’t. That’s such a huge betrayal. How could you?”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry. This is why I couldn’t tell you myself and I made Dad do it, since he doesn’t care about anything, and since he’s been looking into Cowan on his own—”
“Why is Dad doing that, by the way?”
“He’s a bastard, but he’s still our father. I guess he cares in his sick way.”
“Right. Dad cares and you’ve been texting Baptist, and apparently I fell asleep and woke up in upside-down world.”
Max wipes his face with both hands and sighs. “Look, Baptist texted me to see how you were doing, and we just sort of started messaging from there.”
“I’m gonna stop you and say it’s extremely weird that he’s texting with my teenage brother.”
“It’s not like that. We’ve been messaging about you mostly, but also about his project, and he’s been really helping me.”