Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
When it seemed he was finished talking, I said, “You want.”
“Sorry?”
“You want,” I reiterated. “You’re talking about the future you want. I’ve shared with you the future I want. I’ve shared with you about my business and where I want it to go. I don’t have very many plans after that because it’s my main focus in the now. So, if you listened, you’d know what I want for my immediate future. But I’ve never mentioned any of the things you’re talking about. So I honestly don’t wish to sound awful, but I have to point out, you’re talking about the future you want.”
Gently, I pulled my hand from his.
Bryan frowned.
“And since we’re here, you need to know, I don’t want to get married, Bryan.”
His expression cleared and he nodded swiftly. “Okay, agreed. It’s time we talk about the recycling.”
And…
Damn.
He’d led with the marriage thing because that was what he thought I was angling for. That was what he’d convinced himself I was doing. He thought I was pitching a fit because he wasn’t committing.
Honestly?
I didn’t blame him.
For centuries, men and women had been conditioned to think that was what was in the cards for both of them. It was what they were supposed to strive for. The white dress and the cake were supposed to be the woman’s overarching dream.
Then, he was supposed to strive and build and venture and earn and rise.
But she didn’t get to dream beyond that day of flowers and dancing.
Her role was to take care of everything, including the children they made together, so he could build and earn and rise.
Sure, she could have her job or her career. But she still needed to take care of everything so he could build and earn and rise. In most cases, he got paid more. To him, that made sense. To some, it made sense to her as well.
If something came around, say a once-in-a-century pandemic, and shit got real and kids needed to be taken care of because they couldn’t go to school, her job or career was lost.
So he could continue to rise.
This was because she wasn’t conditioned to dream that what came next was her choice. That what came next for her was a priority. That she could compete. That she could expect to get paid as much as him, or more if it was merited.
She wasn’t conditioned to dream of rising.
She wasn’t conditioned to dream of anything.
Anything except that white dress.
And now that I had Bryan over a barrel in his mind, and apparently (according to him), we were negotiating the entirety of our future, he was willing to talk about the little things that meant something to me.
Like recycling.
Not my career.
Not the future I truly wanted.
“I care about you,” I said.
He smiled again.
“But this is not a play for a proposal. This is not about the recycling. This is…it’s…”
I got opposable thumbs. When I’m ready for a beer, I can get my own.
“It’s?” Bryan prompted.
I shook thoughts of Core off.
“It’s…”
You’re gonna tell me what a dick I am, I’m gonna admit I was a dick, because I was serious pissed, but I recognize I went over the top.
“Hellen?”
I’m gonna admit I was a dick, because I was serious pissed, but I recognize I went over the top.
I’m gonna admit I was a dick.
I looked down to my lap.
“Hey, hey,” Bryan called. “Baby, look at me.”
I lifted my gaze to Bryan.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m not in love with you.”
He sat back like he’d been shot.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated.
“You were with me for a year,” he said, voice small, wounded.
“I cared about you a lot. I thought I—”
He cut me off before I could finish. “You thought what?”
I watched him closely because I wasn’t real thrilled with the sudden shift of his mood.
“You thought what, Hellen?” he pushed.
When I didn’t immediately reply, he did it for me.
“You thought you’d hooked yourself to an attorney, good money, good times, but he drives a shit car because he’s responsible and he doesn’t want a life burdened with debt, and that wasn’t what you’d signed on for?”
Okay.
No.
I mean, how fucking important to my life did he convince himself he was?
Did he pay attention to me at all?
Good God, how many men thought this way? How many men thought it was all about them, and the only purpose a woman had in her life was to land the man who would provide for her the way she wanted?
How many men were so convinced of their own self-importance, they couldn’t see what was sitting right in front of them.
I stood.
“We’re done.”
He stood too.
“Fuck that, Hellen. You and all your bitches are about the life. I’m totally not surprised Bree got scammed by that asshole. He was so suave, it was creepy. But she thought he was her path to a lifetime of Tiffany and Chanel, so she was blind to everything else.”