Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
I’m grateful for these guys. They’ve given me their dedication and support and loyalty. Without them, I never could’ve gotten ready. I never would’ve made it to this point. They’ve helped me get ready for the biggest fight of my life, but their attention is a little too much right now. I need to get my head together. Focus. Remember what’s going, what I’m doing.
What I have to do.
“Can you guys do me a favor and get the fuck out of here for a while? I need to breathe,” I say.
They exchange a glance and Will stands. “Sure.”
Sal pops open the door and they all walk out. The door closes behind them, and I watch it long after it shuts, waiting for someone to walk back in. Once I’m sure they won’t, I lie down on the floor.
The tile is cold and hard. It cools my body and my mind. The ground is where I’m most comfortable, where I work. I extend my arms to the side and close my eyes.
I’ve pushed my brain to stop thinking all day . . . for days, actually. I’ve tried to stay focused, keep my thoughts uncomplicated. But I know I can’t go out there without making peace with them.
I stand and walk to my gym bag tossed carelessly in the corner. I open the front pocket and pull out a picture I tucked in there last night. It’s of me, Julia, and Ever taken by Olivia a couple of weeks ago. Ever and me, with our freshly shaven heads, are sticking our tongues out at the camera. Jules hated that I prompted her to do that; it wasn’t ladylike. I laugh as I remember her gorgeous face looking all stern at me.
I run my thumb across the photo, wishing it was Jules’s skin I was touching. She’s what grounds me, focuses me, makes me feel like everything is okay as long as I have her.
But that’s not true.
Everything will be okay as long as tonight plays out all right. I sit again and look at my daughter.
My daughter.
The thought makes me smile, brings tears to my eyes. She may not be mine biologically, but she sure as hell couldn’t be anymore mine. I’ve loved this little girl since the first time I saw her. I walked into Julia’s room at the hospital and Gage placed her in my arms. I remember the look on his face, beaming, as he touched her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked at me, wrapping her tiny fingers around my thumb.
“You realize how fucked we are?” I asked him, watching this perfect little thing look back at me.
“Don’t cuss around her,” he said, making me laugh. “But, yes, I realize how much trouble this is going to be.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “You gotta help me keep her safe, Crew. It’s gonna take the both of us.”
“I’ve got your back, brother. Don’t worry about it.”
I hang my head, my hand holding the picture dropping to my side. “Look,” I say out loud, “I don’t know if you hear me or if there is some kind of routine I have to go through to talk to you. I’m not even sure I really believe in you. If you’re this kind, loving God, then why in the world have you let so many shitty things happen? Why did you take my brother away from Julia and Ever? Why did you let a baby girl get sick like this? That’s all kinds of fucked up and, if you are listening, I’d really like to say fuck you right now. Because I don’t understand this and I’m positive there is no way you’d be able to explain this to me.
“But let’s say you are there and let’s say you give a shit. I want to make a deal with you. I know my bargaining position isn’t good because I’ve been to church only a handful of times in my life and I think I’ve tried to talk to you less than that. But I’d appreciate you hearing me out right now.
“There’s nothing you can gain by taking Everleigh. You’d crush Julia, who is barely hanging on as we speak. You’ve already taken so much from her. So take me instead. Take whatever punishment or wrath you’re throwing their way . . . take that out on me. Take my health. Take my life, damn it. I don’t give a shit. Whatever the cost is, I’ll pay it. Just let my girls be okay.”
I stand and pace the room. “I hope you’re listening to me right now. I’m about to walk into the room and face another one of your creations, Hunter Davidson. I’m not praying for a victory, and I’m not asking for him to lose. All I ask of you is that you do with me whatever you need to in order to clear my girls of any more harm.”