Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 102282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
Canaan took a moment, let the words wash over him, let himself revel in Renzo’s truth. He breathed deeply.
“Can you say something? I’m kinda dying here.”
“Sorry.” Canaan let out a shaky laugh. “I love you. And I’m proud of you. Proud you got this opportunity. I know people think I’m a SEAL chaser, but that’s not how it is with us.”
“I know.” Renzo rubbed Canaan’s thigh.
“I love you because of everything you are—everything. And the military is a huge part of that. I’m not gonna waste time trying to wish that part of you away, not when it makes up the guy I love too. And I don’t care if the world would say this is too fast. I know my heart. And I’m not ready to let you go either. Maybe not ever.”
Renzo pulled him toward him, an awkward angle with the console between them, but Canaan went happily. Renzo kissed him softly, almost reverentially. It was both the first kiss they could have had here weeks ago and a kiss that they could only have now, after everything they’d been through together. Canaan kissed him back equally slowly, like they had all the time in the world, which he desperately wanted to believe. So he shoved aside doubts and questions and the need to make plans and simply kissed this man in this place, the glittering city laid out below them, dark night wrapped around them like a familiar blanket.
Eventually, Renzo pulled away. “Your place?”
“Yeah. Don’t want to get you arrested for indecency before you have to leave for your training.” And there was that word again, leave. But maybe now it wasn’t quite so scary. They had each other to figure out how to deal. There was still a lot to be worked out, but right now, he only wanted to grab Renzo and hold on tight.
Chapter Twenty-Five
They held hands most of the way back to Canaan’s apartment. Renzo was still scared, more scared than he’d been the night before BUD/S training started, more scared than he’d been even that time his chute failed. Because this was Canaan, and Canaan’s heart was on the line too, and Renzo didn’t want to screw things up for him. For either of them really.
“Can we go straight to your place?” he asked. “No offense to your grandpa but I kinda want to be alone with you.”
“Could we be alone in my shower? Cause I wasn’t lying about needing one after being on stage.” Canaan handed Renzo his keys. “You unlock. I’ll pop my head in at Grandpa, tell him I’m home safe.”
“Sounds good.” Maybe it was slightly cowardly, not wanting a lecture from Canaan’s grandpa right then. Or even support, really. They needed to work things out for themselves first. Renzo unlocked Canaan’s apartment, flipping on lights. He found a basket of clean towels on the couch, so he took two to the bathroom and set to folding the rest while he waited for Canaan.
“Okay. Back.” Canaan returned in fairly short order. “Dude. You don’t have to do my laundry.”
“I don’t mind it.” He kind of liked it actually. It was homey, the sort of thing long-term boyfriends would do for each other. “But let’s get you your shower.”
“You coming?” The heated look Canaan gave him put to rest any doubts Renzo had about where the rest of this night was going.
“Oh yeah.” Renzo didn’t waste any time stripping off his shirt on his way to the bathroom. For a small apartment, it was a spacious bath with big, deep tub and a shower that had both an overhead nozzle and a hand-held sprayer. He knew by now exactly how Canaan liked the water, and he started the shower, smiling at the bottle of his brand of shampoo on the tub edge. That Canaan hadn’t chucked it said something.
“What?” Canaan asked, adding his clothes to the pile on the floor.
“Nothing. Just...you weren’t gonna let me go easily, were you? You were still... I don’t know...hoping?”
“You didn’t exactly give me a lot of reasons to hope.” Canaan’s eyes turned serious again. “But yeah, I was trying to figure out how to tell you how much I loved you, how much I was willing to do, without turning into a pest.”
“You wouldn’t be a pest.” Renzo pulled him into a tight hug before leading the way into the tub. Once they were under the spray, he drew Canaan to him again, hiding his face in Canaan’s damp hair. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you think I wouldn’t want to hear from you. And for not letting you talk. I’m sorry for everything. For costing us this week.”
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Canaan kissed his shoulder. “Yeah. This week kinda sucked for both of us. But it probably won’t be the last time one of us needs time to think. The important thing is that we’re talking now.”