Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 98021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
"Oh?"
"Liam would be horrified if anyone knew he worries about Simon."
Preston chuckles. "Yes."
"He's afraid to stay in the house too."
Preston's eyes turn down. "He told you?"
"No. He didn't have to. Before Bash died, the guys would meet there once a quarter. They'd spend long weekends. He'd take women sometimes, especially in the summer…" My cheeks flame. Some mix of embarrassment and envy. That was a long time ago, when I was with John. I have no right to be upset Liam was sleeping with other women. I was sleeping with another man.
Only the one.
But, uh, after I broke up with John—
I did the same thing I did when I first got to college. Tried to prove I wanted to be free by sleeping around.
"I didn't know him that well then," I say. "And after Bash… it was strange. He was out of the office when he got the news. He told me in an email. It was so matter-of-fact. 'Sebastian and Adam were in an accident. Sebastian died. Adam is in the hospital. I'll be with him for the next two weeks. Clear my calendar. Schedule meetings with investors next month. We need to convince them we're steering the ship.'"
"He was thinking about the company?"
"I don't know. Maybe he was in shock. Sometimes, it's easier to focus on work. On things that make sense."
Preston nods with understanding.
"It's what I do when I'm overwhelmed." Or depressed. But, hey, I've already told Preston about my parents' fucked-up marriage. No need to share my mental health woes too. "I called him to make sure he was okay. Maybe not okay. Of course, he wasn't okay. But if he needed something…" What could I have done? Held him, maybe. But that would have been inappropriate. We weren't close then. Not the way we are now. "He only said a few words to me. Something about how he'd call when he had news. I'd never heard him like that. Terrified. Vulnerable."
"We were scared."
"I was too. I didn't know Adam well, I still don't, but he seems like a great guy."
"He is," Preston says. "Have you lost anyone?"
"My grandma. But we weren't close."
"Death is strange. This specter hanging over everything we do. The knowledge we're mortal. Most of us don't engage until we lose someone. For me, it was my father. This strong man, as strong as an ox, then, all of a sudden, he was gone."
"I'm sorry."
"Thank you." His eyes get dreamy. "It's a strange thing, losing a parent. You're never ready, no matter how old you are. This part of you splinters. Every time you lose someone, you break in another place. Eventually, you start to understand the scenes in movies, where someone is ready to go. You understand they'd rather be with everyone they've lost and why they're holding on. How could I ever say goodbye to my son? For the last time? But I will, one day."
Fuck.
"I'm sorry. You're not here to listen to an old man discuss grief. You're here to celebrate your engagement."
"It's okay. I, uh…" I have no idea what to say. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you." He smiles warmly, but there's a sadness to it. "Does he talk about Sebastian?"
"Liam? No. After he came back to work… I started to see the signs of wear. It was strange, like I finally knew who he was."
"He was too tired to keep up his usual facade."
Maybe that's it.
"Grief is exhausting. Physical. I hate to say you'll see, but it's the price we pay for love. The loss on the other side."
Is he contemplating love because of his son's wedding? His own failed marriage?
The ghost of Bash's death?
Or something else?
I don't know.
"He is different now," Preston says. "Liam."
"He is."
"Have you heard of Kintsugi?"
"The Death Cab for Cutie album?"
"The Japanese art of filling cracks in pottery with gold."
That sounds familiar. "Maybe. Tell me anyway."
"Grief is similar. The loss cracks your heart. It's up to you to fill the space, grow stronger."
"What if you don't?"
"You find a way."
Or you fall apart.
Fuck, I'm not going there. Not now. Not when I'm doing so well.
"I hope you can help Liam do that," he says. "I know it's not your job to look after his mental well-being. It's a burden that falls on women too often."
"It does." I swallow a sip of cold tea. "But I'm not good at it. I can barely take care of myself."
"Maybe. But you are there for him. I can tell."
How?
"That's all you need to do. Be there when he needs you, tell him when you need him." He chuckles. "Listen to me. An old man telling young people about love. What do I know? I've been divorced for a decade."
"Failure is the best teacher."
His laugh is sad. "You're so young. You have your entire lives ahead of you. Hold on to that. Remember the beautiful things."