Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89265 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Thirty
Ryan
I went back into the bar, feeling like a cold, wet dog. Miserable and angry, I plunked myself down next to Mack and ordered another beer.
“What happened?” he asked.
“What had to happen.” My jaw was clenched tight.
“You broke it off?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t say anything right away, just sipped his beer and ate his tacos. After a minute or two, the silence drove me crazy.
“What?” I demanded. “Just say it. I can tell you’re thinking something.”
“Okay. I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But I do think you let your grief over Bones get in the way of whatever you felt for her. I think you’re pushing her away because you think somehow it will ease the pain.”
“It will,” I insisted.
“Even if it does, is it worth it? Are you going to live the rest of your life numb like that? Never feeling any pain, but never any joy either? Never letting yourself love someone? We should be dead, Woods. I get it. But we’re not. Stop acting like it.”
“Fuck off,” I said angrily, ignoring the fact that I’d asked him to speak his mind.
“One more thing, and then I will be happy to fuck off.” Mack ate his last bite of taco and wiped his hands on his napkin. “You told this woman things you’ve never told anybody. You said she listens to you without judgment. You said she understands you. Right?”
They were my words, but they were hard to hear. “Yeah.”
“You said she baked you an apple pie.”
The piiiiiiie. “Yeah.”
“Plus, the sex was good.”
“The sex was incredible.”
“So what the fuck, man? If I had someone who I trusted, who listened to me, who understood me, who baked pies for me, and the sex was even marginal, I’d marry her. Like, tomorrow.”
I let that sink in. Sipped my beer.
“Because the incredible sex thing doesn’t last, believe me. It’s the other things that matter most. And before you know it, you’ve got three kids, no sex life, and the only talking you do is fighting. Next thing after that, you’re a single dad facing a lifetime of guilt, loneliness, and frozen cheesecake. Which your daughters will hate because ‘cheese does not belong in a dessert.’”
I looked over at him. “Sorry. That sucks.”
“It does.” He pitched his napkin onto his plate and checked his watch. “Which reminds me, I should head out soon. My sitter only had an hour or so.”
“No problem.” I wanted to be alone with my misery anyway. Mack wasn’t seeing things like I was, and I was tired of being on the defensive.
He took some cash from his wallet and tossed it onto the bar. “You okay to drive home?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna sit here for a while. I’ll have some coffee.”
“Okay.” He put his jacket on, adjusted his collar, and clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Be careful on the road, Woods. You’re an asshole, but I don’t want to lose you.”
A smile tugged at my mouth and I patted his hand twice. “Get the fuck out of here.”
He took off, and I sat there by myself for another hour or so, drinking coffee and thinking about what I’d done. No matter what Mack said, I’d made the right decision. I must have been fucking crazy to think I could ever be someone’s boyfriend or husband. It was too hard, too fraught with complications, too dangerous. You had to give too much of yourself. I wasn’t capable. I’d never been capable.
So why did it feel like my heart was being crushed in a vise?
Around eleven, I left Bayside and got into my truck. I started the engine, but then sat there for a few minutes.
I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to sleep in the bed that would remind me of her. I didn’t want to smell her on the sheets.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I texted Mack.
Hey. Can I crash at your place?
He replied right away. Sure.
He didn’t ask why. I loved that about him. If he had, I’d have said something about one too many beers and him living closer, but I wasn’t drunk or even buzzed. I made the five minute drive to Mack’s with no trouble, and parked on the street.
The house was dark, and I knocked softly, figuring the kids were in bed.
Mack opened the door and stood back. “Hey. Couch is all yours. Sorry I don’t have any extra beds.”
“No problem. Couch is perfect.”
“You know where it is,” he said, locking the door behind me and heading up the stairs.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I used the bathroom and went into the family room, where one lamp was still on. Mack had also thrown a pillow and blanket on the couch. I took my shoes off, turned out the light and stretched out. Immediately, something dug into my back, and I frowned, reaching beneath me. Switching the lamp on again, I discovered it was a Barbie doll. And actually, it kind of reminded me of Stella.