Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 79870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
“That’s not enough to live on, and you know it. You look unhealthy.”
“Dad—”
“I’m serious, Jamie.” He dropped his fork to his tray and glowered at me. “What’s going on with you? And don’t tell me nothing, because I’m not stupid. I can see that something is bothering you. Something more than your mother’s condition.”
I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest, studying his face, trying to determine just how honest I could be with him. What if I just came clean right then? Would he disown me, or would he understand?
The thing was, I wanted to be honest. Being dishonest had hurt Kage. I’d had a lot of time to reflect on things over the two days since he left, and I’d come to the conclusion that he’d been right about everything from the start. I should never have accepted his affection in private if I wasn’t willing to accept it in public. I’d wanted him so badly, but only on my terms. He’d given me all of himself, but I’d only given what was easy.
Now, facing my dad in the hospital cafeteria, I had the urge to make amends. Even if Kage never found out about it, at least I would know that I’d done the right thing.
“Dad, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s something you might not agree with, but I don’t feel much like a man if I can’t be honest about it.”
“Alright,” he said warily.
My knee was bouncing ninety miles a minute, and I had the sudden urge to get up and run. But I held my ground, took a deep breath, and stilled my leg with my hand.
“It’s about Kage.”
Dad visibly recoiled, and the look on his face told me that Kage had been right on yet another count. My dad already knew something was going on between us. He knew, and he was not cool with it. But I’d already started this thing, so I steeled myself and pressed on.
“When I was in Vegas, he and I got really close. We got close, and…” God, why was it so damn hard to say it? It sure as hell hadn’t been hard to do it. “Well, Kage is a really great person, and he bought me a camera, and we were training together, and he started feeding me, and then we… well, we’d run together and stuff, and I really liked it there. Did I tell you about the hotel his uncle owns? The amazing room I got to live in. And the Grotto, and Enzo.”
My dad cocked his head to the side and gave me a bland look that said he wasn’t buying what I was selling. “For heaven’s sake, Jamie, I don’t need a full debriefing. Stop your babbling and spit it out.”
“Sorry. It’s just harder to say than I thought it would be when I brought it up.” I laughed, but he didn’t laugh back.
“People make mistakes, Jamie. Sometimes the best thing is just to move on from it. Put it behind you. If you’re so ashamed of this thing you’re trying to tell me, maybe it shouldn’t be said at all.”
“I’m not ashamed of it. I just don’t know how you’re going to react, that’s all.”
“You say you want to be a man? You want me to treat you like a man? Then look me in the eye and say what you want to say.”
And just like that, I had the courage. “Kage and I have been seeing each other,” I blurted. “Like romantically.”
My skin prickled all over, and the room swayed a little. I’d done it. I’d told my dad. So many emotions were coursing through me.
I felt elated, relieved.
Yes! I told my dad.
Then on the heels of that, regretful. Stupid. What the hell was I thinking?
Oh, God. I told my dad. Fuck.
Dad took a noisy breath in through his nose, and his eyes rolled back in his head for a second. I suppose it was as hard for him to hear as it was for me to say. I thought he was going to lose it right there in the cafeteria in front of three senior citizens and a family of five, but he instantly composed himself.
“I was hoping your sister was wrong about that,” he admitted. “She told me she’d overheard something when she was talking to you on the telephone. Your mother insisted she had misheard, but your mother hears what she wants to hear.”
“Dad, it’s not that big a deal. Kage is a heck of a lot better than that douchebag Jennifer is engaged to.”
“That’s different. You have to try understand my feelings on this, son.”
“I get it, Dad. You want me to be with a girl, be straight.”
But he was already shaking his head. “It’s got nothing to do with straight. This is about a man in a position of power taking advantage of my young son. He hires you, throws money at you, entices you with this exciting new world of his… He offered to buy you a car right there in our yard, Jamie, and it didn’t sound like he was kidding. You don’t know how it makes me feel to see someone buying my child.”