Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 68743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 344(@200wpm)___ 275(@250wpm)___ 229(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 344(@200wpm)___ 275(@250wpm)___ 229(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry.” Knowing he was responsible for the need to talk, Asher spoke first. “I didn’t even know the words were coming until I blurted them out.”
Michael rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “We should have discussed your mother and her illness,” he muttered. “I wish I’d realized that years ago.”
“You did the best you could.”
Michael nodded. “I thought so at the time. But while living through Audrey’s emotional crises, things were complicated. We were young. I was twenty-two when you were born, and I wasn’t equipped to handle your mom’s issues.”
“Dad, you don’t have to do this.” Asher wasn’t comfortable reliving those parts of his childhood any more than his father was.
“Yes, I do.” Michael met his gaze and Asher saw the same-colored eyes as his reflected back at him. “Jade’s issues made me realize I should have gotten help for you kids. I should have known she wasn’t the only one impacted by your mother and my choices.”
Jade suffered from migraines and anxiety, and when she realized she was pregnant last month, she’d panicked and come down to the island to be alone. Her baby daddy and now husband, Knox, Asher and Derek’s close friend, had followed her and brought her home where they’d ended up in a family conversation that revealed old pain and hurt.
And here they were again, Asher thought.
“Audrey idealized being pregnant,” Michael said. His expression grew distant, as if he was putting himself back in time. “She liked the attention she received, but when it came to being a mother and the responsibilities that came with it, she couldn’t cope.”
He paused and Asher remained silent, letting his father put his thoughts together.
“She wanted more kids and so did I,” Michael said at last. “But I knew she couldn’t handle the responsibility. You don’t need to know the details, but suffice it to say, we had our children and loved you all. Your mother was just mentally unstable. No matter what I did to make things better, nothing worked.”
Asher swallowed hard. Serenity had arrived when Asher was three years old. Even when his mother was still home, he remembered the dirty dishes stacked in the sink and the babies crying. No matter how often Serenity had cleaned, his mom added to her work. Yet Serenity had managed to care for all the kids and wrangle them as they got older. She handled children with ease and Asher had always felt torn, guilty for liking the nanny more than his own mother.
“I was nine when Mom walked out one day and never came back,” Asher said. He’d wondered what he’d done wrong, and to make up for whatever it was, he’d stepped up to help with his siblings. So his father wouldn’t leave next.
“By the time your mother left, Serenity had been with us for years.” His father sat, hands clasped between his legs as he looked up at Asher. “I give you my word, I never looked at her as anything but the nanny when your mom was still home, or even right after she ran off. Our relationship started over a year after your mom’s passing.”
“I know that. I know the kind of man you are.” Asher blew out a long breath. “But kids suck. I was twelve when you and Serenity married. People started talking the year before and it was tough.”
“You never told me.”
“I didn’t want you or anyone else feeling bad.” Asher shrugged. “Truthfully, I thought I’d put it all behind me. I love Serenity. Do I still struggle with some guilt because I think she was a better parent than Mom? Because I liked her better? Yes. But I’m an adult. I can handle it.”
“Then what happened the other day? Was it just the comment about the age difference between you and Nikki that triggered you?” The small lines around his father’s eyes seemed deeper, along with his concern.
“Nikki and I had talked about personal things. I guess it stirred up shit I never dealt with. Like I said, the words just came out. I didn’t mean them. I can apologize again–”
Michael put a hand on Asher’s shoulder. “Serenity let it go already. I would have except I’m worried about you. You’re right about one thing. It was a hypocritical thing for me to say. I know from experience it’s not an easy place to be, but if you love the girl–”
“Whoa, Dad.” Love Nikki? Asher shook his head. It was way too fast to think such a thing. “You’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
“Am I? I’ve seen how you look at her.”
Asher held up a hand but his father shook his head. “I need to finish. You have always put everyone’s feelings before your own. Don’t think I don’t realize how you parent your siblings. It’s second nature to you. And I am certain that’s the hesitancy I see now. You’re worried about what everyone else will think, and I didn’t help that when I opened my big mouth.” A wry smile lifted his lips.