Illicit Desires (The Deepest Desires #3) Read Online Ashley James

Categories Genre: M-M Romance, Romance Tags Authors: Series: The Deepest Desires Series by Ashley James

Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 102819 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)

Crew Collins
The rush of the high. The mind tingling feeling of that first line. This secret of mine has spiraled out of control, but I can’t stop. The drugs fill a void, helping me feel something and nothing all at once.
But him… He makes me feel everything.

Anderson Walker
He’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Thick as thieves. Life happened, our friendship has changed. Now I’m left with feelings I don’t know what to do with. There’s more to him hidden beneath the surface.
A dangerous secret.
A deadly obsession.
Love is worth fighting for. And the battle has just begun…



Music is so important to me, and to my writing process. This is a condensed version, but you can find the complete playlist here.

Theme Song: “If You Want Love” — NF

“Leave The Light On” — Tom Walker

“That Way” — Tate McRae

“Drug Dealer” — Macklemore & Ariana DeBoo

“Breaking Inside” — Shinedown

“Let You Down” — NF

“Outgrown” — Dermot Kennedy

“Don’t You” — Landon Tewers


“Broken Parts” — Clide

“Missed Calls” — Mac Miller

“Save Me From The Monster In My Head” — Welshly Arms

“Masterpiece” — Motionless in White

“Walking Disaster” — SayWeCanFly

“Lost” — Our Last Night

“She Thinks of Me” — Landon Tewers




Grabbing my phone off the counter in my bathroom, I scroll through my contacts until I find the one I want. Hitting the call button, the line only rings a few times before it connects.


“Hey, Kalen. Got any shit you can bring tonight?”

“Depends. What’re you looking for?”

“You got any percs?”

“For sure, bro. How many you want?”

“Can you bring ten?”

“Bet. I gotchu. See ya later, man.”

“Thanks, Kalen. Later.”

Setting my phone back down on the counter, I walk into my room, going to my dresser. Opening the top drawer, I shove aside all my socks and boxers to get to the case in the very back. Once I take it out, I shut the drawer, heading back to the bathroom and locking the door.

My parents aren’t home, but can’t ever be too careful.

My body has been craving this all fucking day. I’m getting low on my supply and wasn’t totally sure Kalen would be able to come tonight, so I’ve been rationing my doses and haven’t had any since yesterday. Now that I know he’s coming, though, I’m going to get my fix.

My palms are sweaty, and my hands are shaky with anticipation. Opening the container, I grab the little plastic baggie out of it. Three white, chalky, circular pills remain inside. Dumping them onto the counter, I grab my old high school student card out of the container, putting it on top of the pills and crushing them. My mouth waters as I cut the fine powder into thin lines.

My body has that giddy, tingling all over, blood pumping feeling it always gets in anticipation. I can practically taste the drip down the back of my throat already. Grabbing the bill I keep in the container, I make sure it’s rolled tightly before hovering over the first line, inhaling it into my right nostril and reveling in the burn. Switching to the left, I quickly snort the second line, throwing my head back on my shoulders, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

As I’m getting ready to finish the other two, my phone chimes next to me on the counter. It’s a text from Anderson. Setting the rolled bill down, I grab my phone, unlocking it with shaky hands.

Anderson: Hey, I’m done golfing with my dad. Can I come over?

Shit. I fucking forgot he wanted to come over today before the party. Anderson has been my best friend since we were tiny toddlers. Growing up, we were always in the same classes, played the same sports on the same teams, and even lived next door to each other until my family moved during our senior year of high school. We’ve always been tight; he’s my closest friend. But fuck. Staring down at the two remaining lines, my gut twists with guilt. He doesn’t know this side of me. My closest friend doesn’t know my dirty little secret. He doesn’t really know me at all.

Struggling internally with myself for a minute, part of me wants to flush the rest of this, have him come over, and never look at the shit again. The other part of me wants to snort the other two, tell him no, and waste away unsuspectingly until I’m nothing more than a hardly living, barely breathing shell of a human being.

In the end, option two wins. It always wins.

Me: Nah, bro. I’m about to lay down and catch some shut-eye before everyone

comes over. I’ll just see you tonight.

I set the phone face down on the counter, then grab the rolled bill, snorting the other two lines without a second thought. Standing tall, staring at myself in the mirror, my soft green eyes are bloodshot and heavy, dark circles under them, and my nostrils are also slightly red and a little runny. I know I should feel disgusted looking at the man I’ve become. I should be ashamed of where I came from and where I’m at now. I should still feel guilty for lying to my closest friends, to my parents, to everyone in my fucking life.