Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
“What’s her name?” She’s giving me the hairy eye while Bitty Kitty just gets dubious looks. That’s Patience’s reluctant speak for your skunk is so super cute.
“Bitty Kitty.”
“Jesus, you named your skunk Kitty?”
“Well…yeah. I always wanted a cat.” I shrug.
“But you were so allergic.”
“I think I’ve grown out of that,” I say in defense.
“You do know she’s not a cat, right?”
“Of course. She’s a skunk-cat.”
“Oh my god.” She sighs this incredibly longsuffering sigh. “You live in a mushroom house in the forest and have a skunk as a cat. How very hipster of you.”
“We prefer the term earthy.”
“I’d prefer the term I’d very much like to be anywhere else on earth, including hell, than here.”
“I don’t think hell is technically on earth.”
“I think it is. Because this is pretty much it.”
“Hmm, no. You love it. You love the mushroom house. How can you not love the mushroom house? And there’s no one on earth who doesn’t love Bitty Kitty. She’s the sweetest.” I give her a kiss on the head, and she gives me a lick on the nose. Super sweet.
“You just left her when you were gone for weeks?”
“Nope. I paid a pet sitter slash house sitter to stay here while I was gone. Bitty Kitty’s nice to other people too. She just loves me best.”
Patience rolls her eyes so hard that they look like they’re those wacky-eyed glasses with springs attached to the back. “Then she has terrible taste.”
I kiss Bitty Kitty on the head again and put her on the floor. She jumps at my leg and paws me with her adorable little skunk hands and makes the sweetest chirping noises. Skunks don’t sound like cats. Most of the time. She saunters over, jumps onto her little hanging egg pet chair, gives the most adorable yawn, flips herself upside down, and watches us like that.
I know she’ll fall asleep within a few minutes as she’s a big sleeper. Her pet sitter just went home early this afternoon. He left the spare skeleton key hidden under the mat, which I have to check for. He loved the mushroom house, though the fact that I paid eight grand for three weeks of pet sitting probably helped him love the job a little extra. And he didn’t mind at all that I had external and internal security that he had to sign off on. He was so good about giving me his number for video chats too. I got to talk to Bitty Kitty at least twice a day, every single day.
“This is your new mom,” I tell my fur baby.
“No!” Patience shakes her head and rolls her eyes like googly eyes again. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Don’t hold it against her that she’s a skunk. You’ll love her in no time.”
“I’m holding it against you,” she claps back. “I won’t love you or forgive you at any time. Definitely not in no time.”
I knew there’d be an adjustment period when I made the offer of marriage at that stupid card game. It was out of control. This whole feud has gone way too far. No one should be trying to ruin anyone else, especially not two former best friends. Patience was going to get hurt. She was going to be collateral damage, and I couldn’t let that happen. I took a vow to protect her, but I failed to do that for years while I got my shit together. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to move so far away. I wanted to come home every single day. That was what I’d told her dad. And then I just…knew I’d reached the point of no return, and there was no coming home until I had everything figured out. Until I could win back her trust and friendship. And I couldn’t do that in any way that was at all short of spectacular.
I knew it had to be epic.
“I don’t know about that.” I have an obnoxiously sunny disposition when it counts. “I have theme rooms here.”
“What?” She’s adorable when she’s shocked like this, and the anger is melting away despite how hard she’s trying to hold on to it. “Ugh. Of freaking course you do. You thought of everything. You dream stealer, storybook copycatter.”
“I think we should turn the anger into trying to figure out how to help our dads get back to being besties.”
“I think you should shove it,” she bit back.
“Alright, well, I can do that, but I still think that—”
“Apollo.”
Dear sweet lord, the sound of her saying my name. It sends chills up my spine and down into my toes. My feet start to tingle, and I feel like I’m going to sneeze. That’s how shivery I suddenly am. “Yes, darling wife?”
She stiffens, and her cheeks get red. Not in a blushy, sweet, good way. More in a watch it, you’re pushing all my fucking buttons kind of a way. “I think I’ve had about as much as I can take for one lifetime, let alone one day.”