Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“Brocest,” Ryder says. “That’s hot.”
Harley and I screw up our noses at him.
Ryder merely turns to me. “So, you and Jordan.”
I throw my head back. “It’s … nothing. Well, it’s not nothing. I want it to be more than just sex, but we have to hide it because we denied anything was going on between us. If we were to say we’re in a relationship now, everything will blow up in our faces. I think career-wise I’ll be all right because I still have Coby Godspeed and Eleven. Jordan, on the other hand … he’s spent the past decade trying to make it in this business, and he’s finally been given his big break. This could undo all of that.”
“Hiding isn’t as bad as you might think,” Harley says. “Brix and I do it, and we’ve never been happier.”
“Yeah, but he’s your head of security. You guys have excuses to be around each other. Same with Ryder and Lyric—they were producer and artist. Jordan and I have the excuse at the moment of being co-stars, but when the movie wraps, we can’t be seen together. Already as it is, our management teams don’t want us together at all. We’ve been staying in a hotel so we’re not caught.”
Ryder sighs in sympathy. “Relationships in Hollywood are never easy.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“Because finding the one person who not only complements you but encourages you, loves you, and supports you is worth it,” Harley says.
I can see that between Harley and Brix.
“And because when you dedicate your life to the fans and other people, it’s okay to take something selfish every once in a while,” Ryder adds. “Lyric taught me that.”
“You really like him, don’t you?” Harley asks me.
“I do. I’ve always liked him. We clicked as soon as we met. But I think that’s just Jordan. He’s easy to get along with. The sex stuff … that’s been a surprise.”
Harley blocks his ears. “Again. Brotherly. Talk to this perv about the sex stuff.” He nods in Ryder’s direction.
“If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer.”
“Not about sex. Jordan’s got that covered. Really well.”
“Lalalalalala,” Harley sings.
I laugh. “Okay, what songs do I have to learn?”
Harley keeps going until I reach over and pull his hands from his ears.
“What new songs have you got for me?”
“Oh! That, I can talk about.”
Good. I need anything to get me out of my head.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jordan
I sense Ben watching me. Which is ridiculous because of course he is. He’s the director. But this isn’t like every other day or any other scene. It’s entirely possible I’m reading into it because it’s the first scene in a while where Blake hasn’t been involved.
Either way, I’m eager to get out of here as soon as we’re done for the day. Since we’ve started staying at the hotel, it’s become a bit of a routine. Blake’s driver picks me up and takes me to the basement, and then I take the elevator up to Blake’s room, where he’s always waiting for me.
Sometimes naked, sometimes already with room service as he stuffs his face because he was too hungry to wait while his driver comes back to the studio to collect me.
The way we fall into the pattern is so easy, and it’s nothing like how Ben and I started our relationship. That almost felt contractual. He told me what he expects, how our relationship would play out publicly, and basically gave me a terms and conditions. That should’ve been my first red flag, but I actually found his honesty refreshing. I somehow thought it meant we would each know where we stood the whole time.
With Blake, even though my insecurities try to convince me it’s a bad thing, I’m enjoying not knowing what the future holds. I’m also enjoying not thinking about how this will end, when it will end, or convincing myself that it’s inevitable. It’s hard to turn those doubts off, but by keeping it to myself when those thoughts occur, it’s like I’m not giving it a voice. I’m not letting it get away from me and turn into this big thing I’m certain will happen.
And when Ben finally lets us wrap for the day, and I use Blake’s driver to take me straight to our hotel room, I walk through the door to the suite and find Blake sitting at the dining table. He lifts his head and gives me this amazing smile that makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world. Stuff like that makes all those worries fade away to nothing.
When I’m with him, I believe everything he’s saying. When we’re apart, my brain tries to convince me I’m holding on to a dream that could never be real.
If we are going to make it long term, I need to deal with those abandonment issues, because there will be times where we’re apart. It’s unavoidable in this industry.